The one about finding balance... the third time around

“I suffered from postpartum depression after my second. It was dark and miserable and I didn’t understand how I could divide myself between two kids under the age of two. It was the textbook situation that you hear about, but I had no one to talk to. My girlfriends hadn’t gone through it, my sister-in-law hadn’t gone through it and my sister was busy dealing with twins. I felt like I was dealing with it alone.

I sought professional help and in doing so, geared up for the idea of having a third kid, which was really daunting. I carried a lot of guilt about how I was with the second - not feeling present in the first four months of his life and not feeling connected to him. It took more than 100 days to finally feel okay and feel like I had my shit together again.

The third baby has been a completely different experience than my second. I don’t think I suffered from anything this time. I knew the signs, symptoms and what I needed to be a better mom and person. I asked for help when I felt like I needed it. I took time for myself when I felt like I was boiling over. I got people to help me, whether it was a night nurse, a nanny or parents. I didn't pretend to be a hero, because in appearing to be a hero to everyone on the outside, I was suffering so deeply on my own. And now what you see is true. I am so happy and the baby is thriving in a calm environment.

It took three times to figure out my recipe for success as a mom, a woman and as someone who is still working and wants to find time to myself. We think we can do it on our own because we’re moms and that’s our role. And we think that having help is weak because we can’t show weakness. Asking for help is not a form of weakness. Yes, you can do it on your own, but can you do it happier and better with help. There's something beautiful about them being cared for by multiple people in different ways. You're not a bad mom if you take an hour to go to the gym or lay down while someone takes your baby for a walk. It’s all part of the mental health journey that is such an enormous part of those 100 days.”

-anonymous⁠ ⁠