“No one ever told me about the constant conflict of information that you get as a parent. Someone says do A,B,C,D, and then you read something five seconds later that says the exact opposite. I didn’t realize how combative and judgemental this whole baby world can be. If you’re doing something different than a group is, then you are just a terrible mother - or at least that’s how it makes me feel. ‘Do what works for you’ is a piece of advice that I've gotten a lot. Now I understand what it means. At the time I didn't because it’s my first child I had no clue. But doing what works for you makes sense because there are so many conflicting ideas and approaches.
How to put a baby to sleep has been one of the things that I have struggled with. I’m working with an amazing sleep consultant, but at the same time, I’m a bit of a wimp and I’m having a hard time sticking to the program. My instinct is to run in there and grab my baby and make sure she is okay. We did research before starting the sleep training journey. One side says the baby is fine and crying it out isn’t harmful. That made me feel so much better, but then I would read message boards with parents who say, ‘how dare you let a child cry it out.’ I’m in the middle and I want to do what feels right. If it takes a bit from column A and from column B, then maybe that’s fine because I don’t need to spend time thinking, am I terrible for doing it this way?
It came down to what was best for me because I was starting to lose myself. I felt myself falling into depression and constant sadness. I decided to make some changes because I don't want to feel like this. I want to enjoy my daughter and I want her to be happy. I want her to sleep through the night and we are going to get there. We are going to do it on our own terms and in a way that will incorporate both groups of thought. I needed to make it better because when I’m better, she is better. I deal with anxiety and I have been doing great for years, but it’s funny how this whole journey has brought bits of it back. Once I realized that it was all brewing to the surface, that’s when I was like, okay we can’t go back there again. I don't want my time with my daughter to be filled with anxiety.”